James. James is his name. Every time his name was spoken or mentioned people turned and stared in shock. Not just because he was well known, but because he was a serial killer. And not just any serial killer, a down-right mindless, heartless, murderer. Who slaughtered over thirty people, with pride, leaving his signature move at the scene of every crime, a white mask, nothing more. His victims were chosen at random, although they did all share one thing in common, they were all innocent of their horrible inevitable fate that had been lumbered upon them. Justice was not given, nor would it be anytime soon. James had never been found, he was gone without a trace. So when ever his name was mentioned or spoken chills ran up peoples spines, shivering at the thought. Most never knew why he did what he did, and some believed he was just misunderstood, but everyone did agreed that he needed to be found and put away, so nobody would be in harm’s way anymore. The last victim that was caught in his web of doom, was reported last found in…
She crumpled up the piece of paper unsatisfied with her work efforts, tossing the pen in the drawer.
“I’m done with writing horror stories, there all the same, so boring, so predictable” She said as she grabbed an ice chilled soda from the fridge, and jumped on the couch, turning on the television, flipping through the channels. Nothing was interesting or caught her attention, so she decided to slip in a movie and just wait for Matthew to get home.
She lived in a small town down in Georgia. Attending college courses every Tuesday and Thursday, and dreamed of becoming a novelist. But at the moment she was feeling kind of hopeless, not motivated to write beyond the norm. She wrote mostly horror and romantic stories from her nightmares and experiences as she grew up. Her fiancé Matthew was a professional motor cross racer and attended college every Monday and Tuesday, he dreamed of becoming a psychiatrist. They met in high school, and had become high school sweet hearts. They were the kind of couple you didn’t see that often. You could just feel the sensational vibe every time you were around them. They wouldn’t even have to show affection toward each other, the look in their eyes told it all. They were meant for each other, and they both knew it all along, yet never of them could exactly express how much feelings they actually had. Words weren’t even enough.
It all started out when Hannah was young and naïve. Boys never chased after her, she chased after them. She was always boy crazy and ending up falling in love in the wrong places at the wrong times. But thankfully one day she met Matthew. How they met was by luck and coincidence.
Hannah was fighting with her boyfriend at the time. Furious and outraged from how he treated her over and over. He would always curse at her and walk away from her every time they got into a fight. She finally got the nerve to walk away from him, fed up with the useless attempts of fixing things.
“I’m walking away now” She said.
“Fine leave, you were never that important anyways” He replied.
“I’m serious, this is the last time, no more forgiving, no more second chances, it’ll be over for good if I walk away from this” She said, with a more angry tone.
He stared at her, saying nothing, with a blank expression. She turned around heading toward the late night bus stop to head home. Tears were starting to roll down her face, as she slipped on her hood and kept walking. She was so infuriated and irritated on how he’d let her walk away, but she knew then and there, he never really truly cared about her. That it had been a lie all along. She sat down on the bench watching as rain started to pour down.
“Oh great” She sighed.
On the bench there was a boy hunched over sitting at the other far end. He kept looking her way which made her feel uncomfortable.
“How would you like to be stared down?” She snapped.
He looked her in the eye, startled she said such a thing.
“Why is a girl like you out alone, this late at night? It’s not safe you know, there are a lot of creeps out and about at this time. And sorry if I was staring, I didn’t realize it...” He said.
She started to calm down, realizing how she was acting.
“I’m sorry for me snapping at you, it’s just I’m in a really bad mood right now, so maybe you should just not talk to me” She said, taking another breath wiping her damp face with her sleeve.
“I understand, we all have those moments every now and then.” He said
He turned and faced the opposite direction from her, trying to avoid pissing her off. The bus came soon after and the boy jumped up and paid for his ticket, then walked to the back of the bus. She handed the bus driver her money, in exchange for the bus pass and hesitantly walked towards the boy. She felt really bad so she sat next to him.
“Look, do you mind if I take your number? You were really nice to me and I’d like to talk to you again.” She said.
“Yes of course you can, by the way my names Matthew, what’s yours?”
They exchanged numbers and went their separate ways. They talked more and more each day. Becoming closer friends with every moment and secret they shared. Every now and then they’d hang out playing video games, going to concerts, watching movies, or helping each other out with homework. They had more in common than they ever imagined and Hannah’s life was finally starting to become worth living again.
Hannah took a sip of her soda, as the phone suddenly rang. She jumped up, startled from the loud and obnoxious ring tone that she keeps forgetting to change.
“Hello?”
“Hey Gorgeous, I miss you!” Matthew softly said.
“Baby I’ve been wondering where you were!” She replied.
“I know, I couldn’t call any sooner, I’m so sorry. But I got awesome news! There’s a motor cross competition going on in Brazil in a couple of weeks and the winner gets a grand prize of a hundred thousand dollars, along with a trip to Hawaii!” He gasped.
“Oh my goodness honey, that’s wonderful!” She said, astonished.
“Yes I know baby, we need the money, and I know you’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii” He said, “Well I’ll be home in a little, I love you!”
“I love you too, Bye.”
“Bye.”
Hannah never really liked Matthew racing Motor cross, the risks involved always scared her. Yet she knew she couldn’t take away or stop Matthew from fulfilling his dream. She took another sip of her soda and waited; slowly letting her eyelids close, falling asleep.
The next morning she woke up with Matthew beside her on the couch with his arm around her. She got up slowly and softly, giving him a kiss on the lips. She walked up stairs to the bedroom and turned on the shower. She slipped off her clothes and put one foot in at a time testing out the temperature. She jumped in, and turned up the heat all the way, making it so steamy and refreshing so she could finally relax.
About an hour later she turned off the faucet and dried off, damping herself with a soft white towel. She slipped on comfortable sweat pants and a long sleeve shirt. She sat on the bed, rolled on her stomach reaching for the lap top, and began to type.
“Oh James, you’re so romantic. How’d you know I’d be here?” Victoria said.
“Beautiful, I always knew you’d come here whenever I could not find you, for this was where we first kissed” James replied.
“Oh James, Kiss me” She said.
James took Victoria into his arms closed his eyes and kissed her. The sun was setting, as the two lovers laid together on top of the hill. The soft breeze blew her hair gently, yet gracefully. Her eyes glistened with the sunlight, sparkling ever so beautifully.
“Let’s runaway from it all James, we don’t have to listen to what other think about us. We can just go live on our own, we’ll find a way, I know we will.”
“Victoria, you know we can’t do that. Even if we did, we wouldn’t last, I only have a fifty in the mustang and we can’t live off of that baby” He said,” It’s just not going to work out unless you finally tell your dad we are going to be together if he likes it or not.”
“James you know my father doesn’t approve, I can’t do that, I won’t” She said, starting to get teary eyed “He will never accept that you come from a poor family and absolutely hates you and your family from head to toe, and vice versa. I know your family doesn’t think to highly of mine either.”
“Victoria, I know this, but it’s either we face the fighting, and fight for our right to love one another, or it won’t ever happen. There won’t ever be an us or you and I” He replied.
“I just don’t know James, I just don’t know” She said, looking away.
James took his hand and put it softly against her cheek guiding her towards him.
“We’ll find a way some day, somehow, some way. I know we will. I just know it.”
He pulled her closer to him as she began to let the never-ending tears rush out. She squeezed him tight as she began to realize there was no future with them. Their families were the worst of enemies and if they did run away, they would just both eventually starve to death. Victoria loved James. She finally realized she had to give up. She had to let him go, or else she’d pull him down along with her, side by side. She loved him way too much to do that to him. Even though she wanted him so very badly, she’d rather him be safe and in no harm’s way what’s so ever. She let him go; she said her goodbyes and said she would see him tomorrow. But she knew she wouldn’t. She hugged him goodbye and that was the last she saw of him. The next day James received a phone call from Victoria’s mother. She screamed and yelled at the top of her lungs crying. She blamed James for everything and accused him of the reason she lost her daughter. James dropped the phone in astonishment. Words could not describe how he felt nor could they ever. The love he felt for Victoria, was like no other feeling he had felt before and he lost it. He never would of thought Victoria would of done such a thing, the thought never crossed his mind.
The next day James went to the hill Victoria and he would always meet at, he reached in his pocket and grabbed the ring he never was able to give her. He reached in his other pocket, and grabbed the gun he stole from his father’s truck.
Victoria and James were buried next to each other. Although it wasn’t a happy ending, they were now finally together in heaven, which is what they always wanted; to be together forever…
Hannah saved the document, and closed the lap top. She walked downstairs to check on Matthew who was still sound-asleep. She walked towards the kitchen and grabbed some eggs, some orange juice, a pan, some butter, and a plate. She fixed and prepared breakfast for Matthew so when he woke up he’d have something to eat.
A week almost passed and the date was coming close to when Matthew was going to leave for his trip. Hannah was still just as frightened as before, but she always prayed every night for Matthew to be okay no matter what.
Matthew walked into the garage and began working on his bike. He took almost everything apart and checked and cleaned every single little thing. To make sure nothing would go wrong. And even though it took hours and hours to do so, it was always worth it. He knew even the smallest malfunction could cause the worst crash of all time. Hannah knew this too, which was another reason why he did it. To let her reassure her that everything was going to be okay.
After he was done fixing and repairing everything, He kissed Hannah goodbye and left to go practice with his friends in the truck. They drove out to Knott valley, which had the steepest of slopes, and roughest of terrain along with the bumpiest of trails. Matthew took racing very seriously and did his best to prepare for the most intense of situations. He knew the competition in Brazil would not be easy and did his best to prepare for it.
Two hours later, after racing each other, they were finally done for the night. They packed up their stuff in the back of the trucks, stopped at a burger place, and headed home.
As they were heading home they started speeding. Matthew was in the passenger seat and his friend Patrick was driving. Matthew wasn’t really paying attention since he was thinking of how he was going to tell Hannah he was ready to start a family. He started thinking about whether or not they should start now, or wait until they are already married. He was just so excited he wanted to do it now. He wanted to show Hannah how much he loved her and wanted to show her how committed he really was.
As Patrick was turning, he reached down and grabbed for a water bottle. It kept slipping out of his reach so he looked down and reached lower under the seat. Matthew was looking off into the window, and as he turned to face the front he yelled, “Look out!”
Patrick lifted up his head, slammed on the breaks and turned as fast as he could. An 18 wheeler truck slammed into the side of the truck as glass flew everywhere in every direction. The truck slammed caused so much impact the truck completely flipped three times in a row, sliding towards the edge of the road. The truck was totaled, and so was everything in it.
The overweight, hairy smelly trucker slammed on the gas and kept going. He knew if he got busted for this he’d lose his job. He’d lose everything. So he kept going, leaving without even calling 911, or calling for help at all. As the reflection of the totaled truck in the rear view mirror faded in the distance, he whipped the sweat off of his forehead and turned up the radio.
Hannah slipped into her pajamas and waited for Matthew to come home, like always. He was a bit later than normal, and he didn’t call yet either, but then again that usually happened a lot too. So she tried to relax as best she could and waited on the couch. About an hour had passed and still no phone call. She then finally began to panic. She called Matthew over and over yet he never picked up. She had no clue where he was and she didn’t know Matthews friends numbers to call them. So she called 911 and told them the situation. All she could do was tell them all she knew and contact information, and that was pretty much it. The lady comforted her and told her they would call her as soon as possible if they found anything relating to what she told him.
Another few hours passed. Still no phone call, no nothing. Hannah got into her car, and drove around to nearby places in town, asking where popular motor cross racing practices were held. She asked as many people as she could, getting information, directions, and contact information as well just in case she needed to contact them again.
She found out that the closest and most popular place to practice for motor cross racers was in Knott valley which was about a half of an hour drive away from where she was.
She sped up in the direction, the kind men lead her to. She began to panic more than ever, hoping that somewhere she’d find Matthew, hoping that everything would be alright. She had no idea if he could’ve hurt himself on the trail, or if he could’ve just been ignoring her phone calls, or if he could’ve just decided to sleep in the truck for the night with his friend.
As she kept driving down the road, she saw a man standing there, all alone. He was holding a sack over his shoulder covered in dirt and baggy clothes. She realized he was homeless. She didn’t know if she she pull over and ask him if he saw a black truck drive nearby or if she should just not risk him hurting her. She was just so scared and had no idea where Matthew was that she decided to just ask him anyways. Not caring whether what he could do to her, finding Matthew was the most important thing to do right now, and she wasn’t going to let that get in the way.
She slowed down and stopped the car right next to him, rolling down the window.
“Excuse me sir, have you seen a black truck drive by here? I’m looking for my fiancé and I have no idea where he went. I’m so scared right now that something must have happened and I just don’t know what to do. Please if you know anything, let me know” she said, on the verge of crying.
The old man turned towards her, he dropped his sack brushed off his hands and walked towards the car. She gulped, feeling sweat start to drip from her forehead and on her back. Her hands grasped the wheel with her foot on the peddle ready to drive away just in case, making sure the doors were locked and that the window wasn’t too open so he could not get through.
“Why no-no no maim I have not not seen a ah uh black tr- truck drive by, but I I did see an uh uh 18 wheeler that was spee ah sp-eedin n pretty darn fast drive dr-ive by, I sure uh did…” He said stuttering.
All she could look at was his scar across his face. She felt horrible for staring. So she looked down right away. She said thanks, and then asked what direction he saw it come from as he pointed in the direction she was already faced.
The old man walked back to his sac, lifted it up and slung it back over his shoulders. He waved bye to her and wished her best of luck.
“May uh god be with you.” He said, as he walked on his way, dragging the oversized bag along with him.
She continued driving, hoping to see some kind of sign that Matthew was okay. She started to see skid marks coming up along this curve. Her heart dropped. She drove faster to reach the other side of the curve until suddenly she saw it all. The truck was there completely totaled. Glass and chunks of the truck were everywhere. She slammed on the breaks, jumped out of the car and ran towards the truck, dialing 911.
“Yes I need help right away, right now; I’m on Knott valley canyon road, on the main curve. I got to go bye” She cried.
She got on her knees and bent underneath the window to look for Matthew, she couldn’t find him. She saw Patrick though on the other side, hanging by the seat belt. She ran to the other side and before she undid his seat belt she checked for his pulse. She paused and tears began to rush down the side of her face. She stood up looking around for a possible trace of where Matthew might be. She was wondering if he made it out okay and was on his way for help, or if he could’ve possible been thrown out by the impact. She ran around looking in bushes on the side of the road. Yet still no sign of Matthew. She had no idea where he could be. But then she realized the homeless man, was carrying a huge sac, almost big enough to hold Matthew.
She ran back into the car, shut the door and slammed on the gas, turned in the opposite direction. She sped to as fast as she could go, almost reaching a hundred miles per hour. As she was getting closer and closer to the spot where she saw the old man, she saw the sac he was carrying just laying there, Abandoned. She slowed down stopping 20 feet from where the sac was laying. She reached into the glove apartment grabbed a gun, slipped it into her pocket, and also grabbed a pocket knife and slipped that into the other pocket as well. She took the keys out of the car slipped them into her pants and opened the door, shutting it softly behind her, Wondering if this was a set up. She walked closer and closer to the sac holding onto the loaded gun in her pocket.
When she got to the sac, she bent down slowly and reached into her pocket, taking the knife and cutting open the sac. And there he was. Matthew lying there bloody with glass chunks stuck in him. She grabbed his hand, kissed it softly, and then placed her ear on his chest. She waited for a sign that he was breathing, but there was none. So she lifted his chin, held his lips apart and then her lips touched his. She started to breathe air into him, looking at his chest slowly rise up and slowly sink down. Tears started to drip onto Matthews cheeks. But she kept breathing, she didn’t give up, she could never give up on him. She loved him way too much.
“Come on Matthew, breathe” she gasped, taking another breath and leaning back in to give it to him.
The sirens started to sound in the distance. They were finally coming.
“Come on Matthew, don’t give up on me like this” she said, with her lip starting to tremble with fear and desperation.
The sirens were getting closer and closer.
The old man who was watching in the distance, kept walking. He was going to snatch them, both but it was too late now, the ambulance had arrived. The two men jumped out of the ambulance truck, shutting the doors behind them. They rushed to Matthews’s body as
“Hello maim, we’re going to need to take it from here.”
Hannah stepped away from his body still holding on to his hand. The two men lifted his body onto a carrier, and carried him away. That was the last she saw of him.
Dear Diary,
His face, it haunts me. The look he gave me the night Matthew died, the look in his dark green eyes, with his bushy grey eyebrows and a scar against across his cheek, it was long a thick like no other I have ever seen in my life. His very face and look haunts me in my dreams... I have trouble trusting people now ever since he fooled me so easily. I hallucinate all the time, jumping, imagining he is behind me. How do I overcome this fear? This hatred I feel for him. Oh god do I wish he were dead. I would love to see him suffer for what he did to Matthew. And Matthews, face. When I first saw him after I cut the sac open, I remember everything so clearly. Oh poor Matthew. You didn’t deserve this, you deserved way more. We both did. If only you never left. You will always be the best motor cross racer in the world to me, and I will always be your favorite little writer. Oh I love you so much Matthew and I need you so bad right now. Someone help me, someone out there who’s listening. All I have is you diary, you are my new friend and only friend for right now.
Sincerely,
Hannah
Dear Diary,
Why do I feel this way? Why do I care so much but do so little. It’s almost as if I let my own problems happen to me. Almost as if I’m the cause of them all. Am I? Or do I just assume that and feel guilty for them for no reason. When other people tell me their problems I can always give advice in some sort of way, except when it comes to drugs. I’ve never tried drugs before; I’m too scared that they’ll mess me up. I think if I did try drugs, I’d probably never stop. Like most people I know. They always say, “Oh I’m just trying them out once, that’s all” yet it leads to another, and another, and yet another. It’s a never ending cycle that does get repetitive. It bugs me, it truly does, obviously. The real question I’m trying to figure out is why I can’t solve my own problems. Even though sometimes I know what I should do, I can’t do it. I almost always fall into the trap of hurting myself from my own stupid decisions. Why? Please tell me why, because I really need an answer. The other day my boyfriend and I got into an argument. He asked me what was wrong and I didn’t know what was wrong. I knew something was wrong, but I didn’t know what. Maybe it’s because of Matthew. Maybe it’s because ever since he left my life, it pretty much went downhill from there. It’s almost as if I will never move on from what happened. It scared me for life and ever since, all I could think about was suicide. It seriously is all I ever think about diary, because there’s nothing in my life that matters anymore. Everything that used to be worthwhile isn’t. When I lost Matthew, I lost everything, including myself. He took me with him. I never once smiled again. I feel guilty I’m still here and Matthew isn’t. I feel like I should’ve taken his place. Not only that but the way he died, the way he was found in the sac, it was so unbearable. Please diary, help me. I don’t want to resort to drugs or suicide. But I have the feeling that’s what it’s going to become.
Sincerely,
Hannah
Dear Diary,
It has been a week since I have written to you. I’m so sorry I abandoned you like that. My boyfriend and I broke it off for good. He said I can’t let go of the past, and you know what, he’s right. I can’t let go off Matthew and I never will. I have been drinking more and more. It’s starting to ease the pain finally. I still haven’t tried drugs yet, but from the sounds of it, they don’t sound too bad anymore. I mean why it matters if they change me. It’s not like I have someone who cares. My family is long gone, and so is my beloved fiancé. My dream of becoming of a novelist failed miserably. I dropped out of college. I’m pretty much a failure in the simplest of terms. Please diary, if there is a god out there; tell him I am in desperate need of his help. Ask him if he could send me an angel to replace the one I lost, my one and only Matthew. I have to go now, I have to go pay rent. My annoying neighbor won’t stop banging on the door.
Sincerely,
Hannah
Dear Diary,
I just barely paid the rent. I’m in so much dept it’s beyond reason. There’s no way I can ever pay back the people I owe. I can’t find a job, I always get fired. I guess I’m just too depressing so they had to let me go. It was either that, or I just did horrible over all I guess. Oh well, I tried. But drugs could fix this. I think I’m finally going to give them a try. Even though I truly don’t want to, it’s just I’ve gone far too long feeling so down all the time. I think I’m going to do it for real diary.
Sincerely,
Hannah
Dear Diary,
I couldn’t do it. I don’t know why, so don’t ask. I got the resources, I got the chances and opportunities, I just couldn’t do it. What’s wrong with me? Once again I get the chance to fix things and benefit myself, yet I turn it down. Maybe I should just ask someone to do it for me. I’m pretty sure some random guy would be happy to help me out. Yes, that’s exactly what I am going to do. Thanks diary for everything.
Sincerely,
Hannah
Dear Diary,
All my problems all seem so far away now. I finally did it. I went to this one club called “The Loop”. There were so many nice people there. So many people came up to me, willing to talk and hang out. In the far back of the club, in the lounge area, there was this one guy named Joe. He was so sweet. He and I hit it off right away. I think he was friends with the owner of the club or something, but he told everyone else to leave the room and they did. When they shut the curtains he pulled out a small box, with needles and some capsules. He asked me to open my mouth, and I did. He dropped two capsules that were very bright colored on my tongue, as a swallowed it down with the glass of water next to me. He stuck two more in his mouth, took a sip from the same glass, and then leaned towards me. He kissed me. I can’t believe I let him, but I just couldn’t help it. He was helping me out, so the least I could do was return him the favor by kissing him in return. All I could think about was Matthew though, like always. But things started getting better, besides the dizzy side effects that were starting to become noticeable. After a while he started to kiss my neck, while also unbuttoning my shirt. At that point I stopped controlling him, I pretty much just let him do whatever he wanted. I know I shouldn’t have diary, but I did. I closed my eyes, laid back in the huge pile of pillows, as he started to kiss his way to my arm. All a sudden I felt a squeeze on my arm, I lifted my head to check to see what it was but he pushed me back down kissing my lips softly in comfort. I felt a sudden poke. He told me not to worry and just to relax. From there on I don’t remember much Diary. But I do feel better. People were right all along, it isn’t so bad after all. Diary, please don’t think I don’t care about Matthew anymore, cause that’s not true. I’ll always love him. I know that for sure. But in the mean time, I’m going to keep trying this stuff out. It’s taking my mind away from my worries right now, and that’s all I need.
Sincerely,
Hannah
Dear Diary,
I met up with Joe again. This time he had another friend with him named, darn I forgot his name. I’ll ask him again next time. But he was just as sweet as Joe. He was a bit touchy, but hey I’m not complaining. This time Joe had some nose candy for me, well that’s what he called it. It was white powder stuff and you are supposed to sniff it. After I tried some, I kind of had a stuffy nose but it feel so awesome! It was totally worth it Diary, and I’m definitely going to keep doing this for sure. I got some more good news diary! Joe said if I help him out with some stuff, he’d pay me lots of money. Lots! I’m so excited diary; things are finally looking on the brighter side. I hope Matthews looking down on me in heaven right now and can see me getting better. God I miss him so much, so so much.
Sincerely,
Hannah
Dear Diary,
I don’t know what to say. I feel dirty. I feel like a worthless slut. He used me Diary. Joe’s friend, I don’t know what his name is but he forced himself upon me and did the worst imaginable things. Diary, I don’t know if it was considered rape or not. And even if it was, I couldn’t tell anyone. I wouldn’t be able to do anything about it. We were doing illegal things, and if the police found out about that, I’d be screwed anyways. I don’t think it was rape anyhow. He left me money and I didn’t even do anything. I kind of just let it happen. I saw him, I felt him, and I let him. I didn’t push him away or anything. Maybe it was because of what I was on at the time. I’m not sure what it was but it was injected and Joe gave it to me. Maybe this is what Joe was talking about, when he said we could make lots of money. I trust Joe, He has a lot of money from the looks of it, and I feel special since he’s helping me out. He’s helping out a few other girls too, but still, only a few and I’m one of those few. I’m actually quite lucky. Diary, I don’t know what my problem was before but I’m too lazy to erase it or scratch it out. Let’s just forget I brought that up and look at the benefits. I’m getting more money, and I’m not depressed as much anymore. That’s what I wanted to fix. And I did Diary. That’s good enough for me. I’m going to keep this up for a few more weeks and see how much income will be coming in. I write back to you till then, thanks for always being there for me diary. You’ve been there ever since I lost Matthew. You’re my only true friend, whose never left me yet. Thanks for everything.
Sincerely,
Hannah
Dear Diary,
Not to brag or anything, but things are going great! I’ve covered the bills I’ve owed for the apartment and I also have money to spend. Not to mention I’ve finally smiled again. I’ve totally changed diary, and not for the worse. I don’t understand people who hate drugs. What is so bad about them? I know they are illegal and all, but seriously, if something can make you feel this good, it has to be good for you. By the way, I saw Joes house this past weekend. Man was it huge. He had so many nice things. I never knew he was this rich. I knew he had money, but not this much. I think I’m going to ask him if I could move in with him. I might have to make a few more deals, but hey, it’d totally be worth it. It’s not so bad after all. I don’t even have to do anything really; I just usually hang out with Joe’s friends and just let them do whatever they want to me. I mean there’s nothing wrong with that right? I don’t do anything for them, I can’t yet for some reason. When I attempt to, all I can think about is Matthew. Is that normal? Shouldn’t I be over him by now? I don’t know what to do to get my mind off of him so I can move on. Should I force myself to do stuff? Maybe then my emotions would be forced to move on. That or maybe I should ask Joe what he thinks. Yet the last time I asked him, he said no worries just take this and that’ll get your mind off of him. He handed me more pills, and yes they helped but not in the long run. Should I ask for more or what? I don’t want to get addicted but maybe that’d be the best thing to do so I do not have to force myself into doing stuff that makes me feel uncomfortable. I don’t know. I’ll just ask Joe tomorrow. Or maybe the day after, I can’t remember if he’s busy or not. I’ll ask him about that, and if I could move in. Maybe, moving in would help me get over Matthew also. Well I got to go now Diary, someone’s at the door and I think it’s another one of Joe’s friends. And sorry that I hide you, it’s just I don’t want others to see what I tell you. Well I write back as soon as I can diary.
Sincerely,
Hannah
Dear Diary,
I know I spoke with you earlier today, but I just had to tell you what happened. After the guy came over, well there were two guys and two other girls along with them. It was crazy. They brought this dark liquid and injected it into my arm. They called it brown sugar, it was amazing. I felt awesome. And guess what! I was finally able to do stuff. I made some moves of my own, and they told me I was great. I don’t remember what all I did, but I don’t think you’re interested anyways. But I made more money than ever, and I finally didn’t think about Matthew for the first time while doing it either. I hope you don’t look down at me diary. I know you’re probably thinking I’m stupid and not thinking straight for what all I’m doing but, please don’t. Please understand that I won’t always be like this. After I get more money and get into a better emotional state, I’ll stop diary, I promise. Besides, what else could go wrong from here? I’ll write back to you in about another week, I’ve got a lot of stuff planned, but if I am free I will write back to you again as soon as possible.
Sincerely,
Hannah
Dear Diary,
I can barely write to you right now, but I’m going to try. This will be my last time talking to you ever diary, ever. And if it doesn’t make sense, I’m sorry for that too. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I lost everything, everyone. All my chances of making things better is lost, absolutely everything. Joe got busted and more and more people are going along with him. Someone ratted us out. I don’t know who but if I found out I’d probably kill em. I have to leave my apartment and everything behind. I have no idea when the police will show up at my place but I know they will. My car is still at Joes place, I had to run from there so I wouldn’t get caught. It was crazy diary, just like in the movies. The police busted in and everything. I ran as fast as I could out the back door. I don’t know who all was caught, but I’m pretty sure a lot. Well now that I think about it I’m not sure if Joe was caught either. They found his place, but hopefully he ran away in time. Diary, please don’t say I told you so, cause I know that’s probably what you’re thinking. Please don’t though. You’re the only one I have left. And Before when I said this was the last time I’m talking to you, forget that, okay? I was overreacting once again. I’m so sorry. Well anyways, diary. I think I’m going to move back to Georgia. I miss my hometown. I miss Matthew. I miss everything. Why did my life have to turn out like this? What did I do wrong, to deserve this? Was this my fate all along, or did I mess up somewhere in my life for this to be my punishment. Was it because I was supposed to Stop Matthew that one day? Was it my fault for not trusting my gut feeling and letting him go anyways even though I knew I shouldn’t have? I shouldn’t have let him go to the competition anyways. We didn’t need the money. We needed each other, and that’s all we truly needed. It’s my entire fault diary, all of it. But I’m going to go now before I make things any worse than they already are. I’m going to take a flight to Georgia early tomorrow with the last of my money. Hopefully I’ll find refugee there. Hopefully everything will be fine.
Sincerely,
Hannah
Dear diary,
I hate plane rides. The turbulence always gets me every time. But besides that, I’m looking forward to going home again. Even though I have no more money, I have nothing else. I just want to go home. I want to visit Matthew again and tell him I love him. I want to let him know I still care and always will. Right now that’s all I can think about Diary. It has never left my mind. I’ve ran out of substances to use diary. Nothing absolutely nothing is keeping my mind off of him, and I just don’t know what to do. I’m so sorry all I ever do is complain or disappoint you with the decisions and things I’ve done lately. I have, haven’t been thinking straight and I don’t really know what got me to do what I did. I regret it. I regret all of it. The way people look at me, I get this feeling that they know what I’ve done, almost as if I have the mistakes and issues all written on my forehead for them to read. How on earth could I erase this? I can’t diary. I can’t. I feel like trash, maybe because that’s what I am. I should’ve been thrown away a long time ago. Not Matthew. Matthew was perfect. He never deserved what happened to him. Everybody knows that. I didn’t even deserve him. He was way too perfect for me and I was so lucky for him to even consider me. Nobody wants me, nobody cares about me anymore. The only person, who truly did, Matthew, is gone. Why am I holding on diary? Why? I have no reason to. I don’t belong here anymore. I don’t know diary. My emotions got to me again. I cannot control it. I want to let go now diary. I want to, and I need to. Well diary I am going to go to sleep now. Hopefully it will wipe away all these horrible thoughts going through my mind right now and when I wake up, everything will be fine again. I’m hoping for a miracle diary. I do believe in them. I do.
Sincerely,
Hannah
Dear Diary,
I’m here. I am back home again. I don’t know where to go from here though. I think I am going to take a walk around and see if anybody I know still is around. But I’m sitting on a bench right now watching the sun start to set. It’s beautiful. This is the spot where Matthew first met. I remember I got out of a fight with my boyfriend at the time, and Matthew looked at me. Right here, right where I am sitting on this very bench. He was staring at me, and I snapped at him. I don’t know why I did, but I did. Oh diary, I miss him so much. I just can’t take it. I can’t stop the tears anymore. They just will not stop. Drinking did not erase him, Drugs couldn’t erase him, and nor could any other person get close to even taking my mind off of him. I’m sorry diary, but I’ve tried my best. I’ve tried everything. And from all of that trying, I found out there is nothing left for me. I knew it before, but I didn’t want to listen. I never listen. I am so damn stubborn. Why? I don’t know. I give up. I’m over feeling this way; I miss Matthew way too much. He’s never coming back. No matter how many times I cry, no matter how many times I pray. He isn’t going to come. Maybe it’s time I finally come to him. Everyone deserves to be happy, and diary, that’s the only way I’ll ever be happy again. I’m getting older and older and I have nothing to do with my life diary. I have no one to spend it with. That’s all I ever wanted. Was someone to spend my life with, to be happy. Money never really mattered that much to me, when I was with Matthew. When I lost him, I was starting to think money and drugs could make things better, but it couldn’t. It never could. I’m done diary. I’m finally done.
Sincerely,
Hannah
Hannah closed the diary, and slipping it and the pen into her purse. She took a bus all the way to the Cemetery road where Matthew was laid to rest. As she walked to his grave, she stopped picked a couple of roses, and kept walking. She laid them in front of Matthews’s tomb stone along with her diary. She bent down on her knees, said a prayer and kissed the ground. As she got up she wiped her very last tear that was ever shed and walked on.
Night began to fall as she kept walking till she could no more. She went as far as she could dragging her feet along with her. She had no idea where she was, but she kept walking until she fell to the ground. She laid there with her hand on her chest, out of breath and dizzy from walking for days and days never stopping. She looked up at the stars in the sky. She then looked to her side and saw Matthew. He was calling for her. She reached out her hand towards him.
“Matthew I’m here, don’t leave, take me with you” She said, “I love you Matthew, I love you. I always have and always will.”
Her eyes closed, as her hand fell to the ground. The bright light surrounded her as Matthew’s hand touched hers. After her last breath, her eyes opened once more yet she couldn’t believe her eyes. She then stood up and jumped up into Matthews arms. They held each other close, as she began to smile.
“I told you we’d be together in the end Hannah. I love you” he whispered into her ear.
“Never leave me again Matthew” she said, holding him tight.
“I never did leave you Hannah, I just went away for a little bit, and I’ve been with you all along. And I always have been, and I always will be” He said softly, squeezing her tighter.
“I’m so sorry If I dissapointe…”
“Don’t apologize Hannah, we’re together now, and that’s all that matters. I loved you from the very first moment I saw you, and I always have” He said.
Before she said another word Matthew kissed her. And for once in a long time, she finally was truly happy again.
A month later the diary was found. A man named Will, read every single word in it. He was so inspired from what all Hannah went through, and how much she loved Matthew that He wrote a novel based off of Hannah and Matthews story. In a way both their dreams came true. Hannah finally was able to share her writing with the world and in a way she became the novelist she always dreamed of. And Matthew was finally remembered for being a professional motor cross racer. His tragic incident was spread across the news and newspapers alike. The homeless man was finally caught from Hannah’s descriptions of him in her diary. He was sent to Jail for not only what he did to Matthew, but for other crimes he committed before and after that.
The womans forte was to play the guitar. All night she passed by different people, different tables with a smile as she played and played. They not only did that, but they sang as well. They were truly talented.
